Many people in the world speak to me on an almost daily basis. These people range from young to old, decrepit to old, and chinese to old. Needless to say, some of the people I talk to are old. Now the problem with this is that contemporary music tends NOT to be old. It is widely believed that things from two different groups cannot truly integrate. This, of course, is entirely false.

The key to integration is to find the common links, and then bend them to your will. "What are the common links between old people and contemporary music?", you may ask. Well it's just lucky for you that you asked me. Now you see, contemporary music often has 'lyrics' which is a fancy way of saying 'shit words that sometimes rhyme'. Old people don't particularly like, nor understand these 'lyrics'. This is because old people have an older, slower, and more combersome vocabulary (A 'legacy' vocabulary, if you will).

So for those of you who cannot see the plain link between the two which I have just described, let me point it out to you

Old people would like contemporary music if it used big words.

Or, for the older audience

Overly aged members of society, both here and abroad, encompasing all who believe that the sound generated by the youth with their electric guitars, and over-sized percussion implements, which create a deafening abomination before all those who are encompased by this statement does not abide by the rules, regulations, and theoritical teachings laid down in years gone by to define that which is, and should always be thought of as 'music'; would be more inclined towards listening to such a deafening racket if the collective vocabularium of the youthfull layabouts creating said din were to increase in size and complexity, allowing for words which mean mostly the same as their shorter counterparts, but are extended in length beyond said counterparts.

Good evening, fine fellows, and soon to be loyal readers.

Many people may be wondering what it means when one says 'the science of music'. Do I intend to discuss only the particular frequencies and modulations produced in the guise of music, and handily measured on any standard oscilloscope? Will I be discussing the chemical disturbances created in the brain by sound waves which allow you to 'enjoy' particular styles of music, while not 'enjoying' others? Shall I be discussing the histories and origins of so called 'contemporary music'?

It is correct to wonder how I will be approaching the idea of discussing music scientifically, yet nigh impossible for people of your meagre intellect (Oh, don't worry. I'm not calling you stupid. Only stupider than me. Most of the world's populace has far less intelligence than me, however, so try not to let it concern you overly much) to guess, or even understand how I will be approaching the issue. The main issue here is that people have such confused preconceptions about the meanings of words such as "music" and "science". Some people may argue (futile to do so, I may add) that some of the explanations that I offer may not actually seem to be "scientific". This, of course, is incorrect.

I am a scientist. Everything I say is scientific. This is due to my immense amount training and study. Perhaps my only flaw (as I phased out most major flaws back in 1964, in the course of amalgamating my mind with the collective knowledge of bees. This is incredibly dangerous, and should not be attempted by anyone who has more flaws than myself. That is to say, that everyone, upon birth, is more flawed than I am, and continues to gather new flaws throughout life. Regardless, I digress.) is the fact that I am now so scientific that I am almost unable to say anything that does not have the deepest and most profound scientific connotations. Indeed, just in this much of this 'blog' so far, I have revealed the cures to 16 (now 17) medical anomalies. You will quite probably never realise this, as they are also protected by a cryptographic sequence more unbreakable than any use of a 'one use pad' may be. 18.

So be sure that when we next meet, I shall have much to discuss that, however mundane or unrelated it may seem, I assure you is most scientific. Good morrow, my fine readers.

24.

-- Dr. Roberto Le Camembert (Doctorate not mesmerised)